Stop acting like a victim
By: Sajad Ul Hassan
Saying goodbye to victimhood once and for all is the key to achieving a passionate and happy life. No one likes to be a victim, but the truth is that putting yourself in this fictitious position offers certain advantages to which it is sometimes hard to give up.
For example, it seems that it is a position that legitimizes the request for care and attention, when otherwise they could not be claimed. Sometimes life is hard and hard, both for ourselves and for the rest of the world.
Everyone at some point along the way will experience adversity. Some are harder, others lighter, but it is certain that the obstacles are also part of this present that is to live. The most important thing to keep in mind is that the pain is inevitable but the suffering is optional.
That is, we do not have the ability to choose what will happen to us in life, at most we can make more or less right decisions, but nothing guarantees us to escape the pain. Now we can always choose how we prefer to face the problems.
We all know someone who is always complaining about everything, taking on a role of injured or injured person, who usually blames the world or others but does little to get out of that dark pit in which they are supposed to be plunged. Sound familiar? They are people trapped in the mechanism of victimization, that is, the tendency to think that they are miserable, that they are the favorite goal of bad luck and that others are bad with them and want to harm them, when reality says something different.
You may actually believe it because of a perceptual distortion, or it may simply be a simulation exercise. The person anchored to victimization cannot get out of this thud he is going through, and still sinks more and more into it. The people around her seek to help her in vain, which only reinforces her pessimistic attitude. In the end, everyone ends up suffering, although the one that suffers mainly is the person victimizing itself because in the bottom few times it does not feel bad to itself. He usually has a low self-esteem and thinks that only putting himself in the role of victim will deserve affection and attention.
How to recognize a person who becomes a victim? He wants others to acknowledge her suffering, Try to blame others and life and they emotionally manipulate others. When your circle tries to help you, you feel attacked in a way that seeks to reinforce your state, that is, to give you words and phrases like “poor thing”, “how bad life treats you” or “you are an unlucky one, how unlucky you are.
“If someone tries to encourage you to take charge of your life and seek solutions, you are offended and think that you do not want to understand it or put yourself in its place. Earlier we commented that although it is true that life brings many crashes, there are also people who are depressed easily and others with much greater adversities who stand and continue to live normally.
Blaming others and the world is useless; this attitude only keeps the problem or reasserts us as victims without resources. Victimists do not seek solutions to their adversity, but complain about how unjust life is and how unlucky they are until their own and others’ exhaustion.
It is a strategy very used by these people, since through the tactic of provoking feelings of sadness in others it is easier to obtain certain privileges. Some phrases that come to mind may be my personal point of view about this point : “I’ve raised you since childhood and now you’re going to live with others and leave me alone,” “If you get good grades, Mom will heal.” In this way, the person feels responsible for the emotional state of the other and will do his best to please him, even if he has to violate his own rights and needs.
What to do with these people? Just do not get into your game. If we stick to the blackmail and laments of those who play the role of victim, we will be reinforcing that behavior and we will not be helping but harming them. The problem is that doing this is very difficult because our culture teaches us from an early age that it is necessary to feel compassion for the suffering and to help the other, even if our own interests are relegated to the background.
When it comes to a family member, things complicate even more … Who would not help their mother who says she is wrong, depressed, sad, even if she does nothing to get out of it? Anyone would surrender to their complaints and welcome them, but this is certainly not the solution, because it would be reinforcing that they cannot get out of it and that the solution is to complain and do nothing. It is difficult, but if we correctly identify a victimistic attitude we will try not to give in and help them in order not to reinforce their attitude.
We can say that we are there to seek a solution to the problem, but not the one they bring, but the one we see. To do what we can to get out of this position, but not to hear complaints or to get negative. If it is not so, the victimizer will not become aware that his strategies have no effect and that he should think about changing his attitude.
Do not feel bad for saying what you think, for being dissatisfied, disappointed, for being who you really are, for saying no. Do not feel bad about having to leave, having to go away, having to go to another, to guard against everything that hurts and hurts.
One of the basic rules of coexistence is tolerance and respect for each other, the understanding that not everyone will think like us or will agree with everything we say or do. Avoiding quarrels and conflicts helps us maintain the balance we need to live in peace, but that does not mean that we should always shut up and keep what we think or get sick in a short time.
In a way, conflicts are necessary in all kinds of relationships, since they trim the thorny edges, making the living more transparent and accurate. All that we swallow with contrariety, expressing a feeling that does not correspond to what we actually think, will be accumulated here, doing harm, bothering. With that, at one time or another this will have to come out in the worst possible way.
One of the ways to avoid these bursts that lead us to speak more than we should, to reach those who do not deserve, to take inappropriate actions in inappropriate places, is to maintain firmness every day, acting in a more trustworthy way than We have within us. It will not always be possible, we will not always succeed, but we must try. Don’t be a victim and stop acting like a victim.
(The author can be mailed at [email protected])
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