Life, Loss and the Search for Meaning
Night Mushtaq, Syed Mustafa Ahmad
There was a time when I believed, like many others, that I would live forever. Death seemed like something that happened only to other people. Being young, immature, and inexperienced, I could not understand the reality of life or the certainty of death. My world was simple and I believed it would remain the same forever.
As a child, I even misunderstood death itself. Whenever someone passed away, I believed they would return after a few days. When I saw people crying, I wondered why they were so heartbroken because I genuinely thought the person would come back.
Then life presented me with a reality I had never imagined. Someone very close to my heart passed away. Even then, I waited, hoping they would return. Days turned into weeks, and slowly I realised that death is not a temporary separation. It is one of the greatest realities of human life. Those who leave this world do not return, but they continue to live in our memories.
That loss changed me completely. It did not only take away someone I loved; it changed the way I looked at life. Questions that had never entered my mind suddenly became impossible to ignore. Why do we suffer? Why do happiness and sorrow exist together? Why do we spend so much time worrying about things that may not matter in the end?
Life, in its totality, is a mystery. It cannot be fully understood by reading books or listening to others. It reveals itself only through experience. It has its joys and sorrows, its victories and disappointments, its moments of hope and moments of despair. Life rarely follows our plans. It has its own course, its own rhythm, and its own way of moving forward.
Sometimes I wonder whether the mystery of life can ever be solved. It is like a tangled web of countless threads. The moment we think we have untangled one thread, several others become even more intertwined. Every answer leads to another question, and every experience opens the door to another unknown. Perhaps the beauty of life lies not in solving every mystery but in continuing the journey with patience and humility.
Living is the only way to understand life. Every experience, whether pleasant or painful, teaches us something new. Every setback carries a lesson, and every hardship has the potential to make us wiser.
Today, I have chosen myself—not in the sense of turning away from others, but in choosing self-understanding over comparison and inner peace over constant approval. With every passing moment, another small part of life’s vast universe of mysteries unfolds before me. At the same time, I realise how much remains unknown.
Being the centre of my own little world, I have learned to accept myself for who I am. I am what I am today because every joy, every disappointment, every unanswered question, and every loss has contributed to the person I have become.
Even today, there are moments when I feel that the person I lost will somehow return. My mind knows the truth, yet the heart often holds on to hope. Memories have a quiet strength. They remind us that love does not disappear simply because someone is no longer with us.
After that loss, I became quieter. I no longer express my emotions as easily as I once did. Sometimes I wonder whether my heart has become numb or whether grief has simply taught me to remain silent. Some wounds are invisible, but they stay with us for a lifetime.
That experience also changed the way I see society. Many people spend their lives chasing wealth, status, and recognition. These things may make life comfortable, but they cannot give it lasting meaning. Material success can satisfy our needs, but it cannot fill every emptiness within the human heart.
I once had friends, but over time those friendships faded. Today, I often find comfort in solitude. I enjoy walking alone, thinking quietly, and spending time with my own thoughts. Solitude has taught me lessons that noise never could.
I often dream of spending time among mountains, where there is silence, fresh air, and peace. Nature reminds us that change is the law of life. Every sunrise is followed by sunset. Every season changes. Flowers bloom and eventually fade. In the same way, neither happiness nor sorrow remains forever.
At times, even my home no longer feels like home. It feels like a place where expectations are greater than understanding. Comparisons have become a part of everyday life. I have often wondered why children are compared with others instead of being appreciated for their own strengths and individuality.
Whenever I return home, I carry a quiet fear within me, hoping that nothing will go wrong. Such fears may not be visible to others, but they slowly become part of a person’s everyday life.
There have been moments when I wanted to leave everything behind and go somewhere far away. Yet every time such thoughts appeared, I remembered my family. I realised that my decisions would affect not only me but also the people who have always cared for me.
Life has also taught me that many relationships seem to become stronger when money is present and weaker when it is absent. Too often, people are valued for what they own rather than for who they are. This is a painful reality that many quietly experience.
Sometimes this inequality can even be noticed in places where everyone deserves equal care and compassion. Such moments make us reflect on whether humanity is gradually giving way to materialism.
Perhaps one of the greatest challenges of our time is not only economic inequality but also the gradual decline of compassion. We have become so busy competing with one another that we often overlook those who are struggling. Kindness, honesty, humility, and empathy deserve far greater importance than wealth or social status.
Life constantly invites us to reflect on ourselves. Every hardship asks us to grow. Every disappointment teaches patience. Every loss reminds us that our time in this world is limited. We come into this world empty-handed, and one day we will leave it the same way. What remains is not our wealth but our character and the good we have done for others.
Despite everything I have experienced, I still believe that hope should never be abandoned. Every struggle carries a lesson, every wound can deepen our understanding, and every difficult experience can make us more compassionate if we are willing to learn from it.
In the end, our possessions will remain behind, our titles will fade, and our achievements will eventually become memories. What truly endures is the kindness we showed, the lives we touched, and the humanity we preserved. Perhaps that is the greatest success a person can achieve.
(Nighat Mushtaq is a B.Sc. nursing student at SKIMS, Soura and Syed Mustafa Ahmad is a private teacher at the Algebra Academy, Shalteng, Srinagar)
