Children are a blessing
Farhad Ahmad Pir
Children are a blessing from Allah. He bestows children upon us in two forms: male and female. Children are a gift from Allah. Every single life, every single child, is a reward and a blessing from Allah. After marriage every couple wishes to have children of their own.
This desire to have children brings both husband and wife closer to Allah. We must understand that having children is entirely in the hands of Allah. This belief in Allah’s control and the desire for a child prevents us from committing any kind of misdeed. We humbly seek forgiveness for our past sins.
Newly married couples truly believe and should trust that it is Allah’s will to whom He bestow progeny. This desire to have children makes a couple obedient to Allah, and through different acts they try to please Him.
It is Allah’s will whether He bestows a son or a daughter. Undoubtedly, He knows better than us. We should be grateful to Him for whatever He chooses for us. People with strong faith always remain content with God’s decisions in their lives.
Sometimes Allah puts human being under certain trials, but people with strong faith often emerge victorious from these trials because they understand God tests us in different ways and only true believers are able to overcome such tests. I wish everyone in our social fabric had this understanding that whatever He does is always in our favor.
Our society is deteriorating day by day by due to numerous taboos that are growing within it. There are many social inviolabilities prevalent in our society, but here we will discuss one of the most wretched practices, which is an extension of marriage. We know that after marriage, family members, starting with the husband, expect a baby boy from their wives. They hold the belief that having a boy is more blessed than having a baby girl.
The birth of a boy is celebrated with great zeal and enthusiasm, but the birth of a baby girl is not warmly received and, in some families, it is even taken as a bad omen. In certain households, it is customary to start buying clothes, toys and other luxuries in advance for the birth of a baby boy. Even a name for the baby boy is chosen before his arrival into this mortal world.
One day, I witnessed a disturbing conversation between wealthy couple in a city. They were discussing what name to give their unborn child. Husband proudly said to his wife, ‘if it is boy, we will name him Amir.’ When the wife asked, what they would name the child if it were a girl, her husband sternly turned toward her, his face filled with anger. Raising his finger, he said, ‘if it is daughter, you name her. It is none of my business.’
This incident clearly reveals the patriarchal mindset of the husband. We must not forget that a woman is an epitome of love, patience and sacrifice. Such discrimination between male and female children often becomes a cause of marital conflict and, in many cases, divorce. This gender-based segregation is no longer limited to the preference for a male child. In today’s society, there are heartbreaking stories of innocent women being divorced simply because they are blamed for the inability to give birth to a child, an injustice rooted in ignorance and deep-seated patriarchy.
Childlessness is the inability of men or women to have children. In some families, this issue has become severe, especially where women are oppressed by their male partners. However, the stigma of childlessness usually falls on women, even though infertility can affect either partner. This unfair perception has caused many families to break apart.
This inability to have children puts women under great stress and depression. People look down on them because society has created a false sense of superiority and boosted men’s egos. They face double oppression: as women, they are expected to be submissive to men; and their inability to bear children makes them feel inferior and subjects them to disgrace.
Such childless women experience shame and social alienation. Reports indicate that some mothers-in-law curse, taunt, and harass young women when they are unable to give them grandchildren. This shameful behavior by mothers-in laws places immense emotional pressure on innocent women and, in many tragic cases drives them to take extreme step, including suicide.
In order to stop this menace that is rapidly growing in our societies, being a Muslim, the need of the hour is to change our perception regarding the decisions of Allah. We should avoid interfering with the natural order. As stated earlier, it is Allah’s will upon whom he bestows this blessing and whom He does not.
It is equally important that the various institutions which stigmatize such women must change their attitude and work for their emancipation and rehabilitation. This is only possible when we develop an understanding of the Quran and Hadith; Only then we change the draconian mindset that is rapidly taking hold in our society, ensure that such injustices no longer prevail among us, allow childless couples live happily with their spouses, and gladly regard our daughters as precious gifts from Allah.
(The author is a columnist and a freelance contributor)
