Senior Citizens: Bittersweet Pills
By: K S S Pillai
The average life expectancy in India, which was 32 years at the time of independence, has gone up to around 70. As the number of elderly people increases, the problems faced or created by them have also gone up, making them bittersweet pills in society.
All agree that the elderly deserve respect due to their valuable experience, accumulated wisdom, and contribution to society. They are encouraged to share their wisdom and experience with younger generations.
They are valuable family and community members, and younger generations are expected to care for and honour them. Studies have shown that older folks have better social skills, a higher tolerance, and more empathy than their younger counterparts.
While browsing social media recently, I came across two pictures that depict the sorry condition of most aged people. In the one above, two sons hold a young mother’s hands and pull her towards them, saying, “Mother is mine.” In the second one, the woman is shown as very old. Her grown-up sons push her to each other, saying, “Keep mother with you”.
Time plays havoc with one’s health and beauty, as shown in the photographs of heroes and heroines of yesteryear films. Once the idols of many, they are in the last leg of their lives, the ravages of time clearly visible suffer from various diseases and are unable to perform even their daily chores without assistance.
I live in a housing society before the university, from where I retired. There are many aged people in my neighbourhood who are eager to talk. Some are widowers or widows without their life partners to listen.
They do not speak ill about other family members out of fear of retribution, but it is obvious that they are not happy. Many feel lonely as others do not want to be with them, as they, devoid of new experiences, tend to repeat their stories. Those who get monthly pensions are tolerated mainly because of the money they bring.
The initial years after my retirement were not difficult to spend. I had an inflated view of my wisdom and ability and thought that the new incumbent would visit and seek my advice. He visited me sometimes and talked about things in general but never sought my advice on anything important.
I spent most of my time sitting on the open balcony adjacent to my room, enjoying the distant tree lines, birds in flight, people on their terraces, moving clouds of different hues and shapes, the moon in varying stages of growth and decline and the sun.
The travails of the aged are many. Their opinions are rarely sought in most matters, the only relief being that they won’t be blamed for wrong decisions. Though most like to travel as in the past, they are forced to remain within the four walls of their rooms.
Those who go out do so to enjoy and not to spoil their outings by looking after the elderly with bodily limitations. For many, the difficulties of ageing lead to despair, grief and anxiety.
Once respected and sought-after members of the society, they are now shunned. They are not invited to public functions, as their physical limitations are well-known. On the positive side, it is easy not to do things one does not want. Since people don’t expect him to be a party animal, he can decide how he spends his time.
Doctors have asked them to avoid many things in their food, and the women prepare separate food for them. Taking them to doctors has also become a physical and financial burden.
They often go through old albums and relive the past. As one gets older, the wise tell themselves to forget the past and live in the present, making adjustments, but few are able to do so. They are also told to be less concerned about what others think, stop worrying about keeping up with others, and focus on doing what makes them happy.
It is a time to prepare for the afterlife, not worry about possessions, and focus on leaving a good name after death.
(The author is a retired professor of English. A regular contributor to ‘The Kashmir Vision’, his articles and short stories have appeared in several national and international publications)
