The lost care
Mushtaq Hurra
Construction of old-age homes in Kashmir valley has sent shockwaves among commoners, intellectuals and soulful men in our society. It means, we have begun to restrict space for our old-parents in our homes.
The move has brought humiliation, obloquy and ignominy to our collective conscience, and our heads are bowed down in shame. Devotees and disciples of Lal-Arifa, Nund Reshi and Sheikh Hamza Makhdoom (RA) have shun to tread on the path of love, compassion and empathy.
Souls of these hierarchs and benefactors must be wailing and lamenting, seeing their successors falling to the lowest of low. Inhabitants of Pir-vaer (land of Saints) have neglected and forgotten great ethos and revered traditions of their ancestors. Values, morals and prized principles were the cardinal pillars of our rich cultural heritage and glorious past. But, now, things have changed drastically.
Values and virtues have vanished into thin air. Our hearts have become as rigid as rocks, and the God no more resides therein. We are driven by material pursuits, and consequently, we have lost the vision to see things through true human perspective.
Institution of relationships gives prominence to Homo-sapiens in the animal kingdom, because human beings are supposed to maintain the loveliest form of kinship and mutual love. But, during contemporary times, relationships no longer hold the same flavour, charm and spirit, as they used to have a few years back.
Now, bitterness of jealousy and egotism has spoilt them. Mutual love and sympathy lay foundation of healthy relationships, but, our hearts are devoid of these potions. The kernel of relationships is altogether missing. As such, we hardly give any importance to them, even uterine ones have become hollow and symbolic only. Selfishness has replaced selflessness. The secret glue binding humans together strongly in relationships, lies not in understanding, but in love and empathy.
Once you remove love from the relationships, they become naught. A relationship based upon understanding is nothing, but a mere compromise, not a bond. Greed, avarice and jealousy have blackened our hearts to the extent that we have lost the ability to feel the essence of relationships.
Separation between siblings becomes inevitable at one time, but it should not be at the cost of quintessence of relationships. Conflicts between siblings over property issues are growing alarmingly. Even, many have fallen prey to these conflicts. Married sisters are hardly considered legal heirs of their parents, and are mostly denied their legitimate rights in ancestral properties. Brothers have now forgotten to invite their sisters on festive occasions like Eid and Diwali.
Though human souls are hinged together through different types of relationships, but, parents and their offspring are connected through the most beautiful bond of love and affection.
We would not have been what we are today, if our parents had not been so selfless and kind to us. I don’t know how God looks like, but, parents are undoubtedly an incarnation of God on the earth. I won’t exaggerate to call parents an attribute of God.
Parents are an epitome of compassion, love and empathy. They not only love and sympathize with us, but, they are the only people who love and sympathize with us unconditionally. Rest of the sympathies is subject to our behaviour, status, health, wealth and how we treat others; but, our parents rise above these conditions and benchmarks. Our parents leave no stone unturned to place the best possible comforts under our feet. Even a nap in the lap of mother, and a ride on the shoulders of father, are far better than a golden cradle and an expensive Ferrari, for a child.
God leaves us at the mercy of our parents when we don’t know how to eat, wash, walk and talk. The mother suckles her progeny, bothering least about her own health. And the father works tirelessly to win comforts and joys for his children.
Our vexed and buffoonish gestures never irk our parents; rather they derive pleasure from it. They work till their bones become too brittle to endure the shocks of life. Once they grow old and turn weak, they become toddlers with grey hair, bent backs, weak legs, trembling hands and fumbling voices. Old-age means exhaustion of control over body. We stammer, stutter, crawl and cry during childhood and old-age.
Wearing diaper at both the stages of our lives is the proof of our haplessness and helplessness. Our passivity and infirmity is evident in both the cases. So, we must treat our old parents, the way they treated us when we were toddlers. Even Allah SWT has ordered us to behave well with our parents.
The holy Quran says, “Do good to your parents. If anyone of them or both of them reach old-age, do not say to them: Uff (A word or expression of contempt or disdain ), do not scold them, and address them with deferential words ” . (Surah Al-Isra ). Even Allah SWT has descended special prayers from heavens, and we have been put under strict instructions to chant the prayer repeatedly. The prayer reads, ” O Lord, have mercy upon them (My parents) as they brought me up (When I was) small “. Prophet Muhammad SAW said, “Wish, both my parents and at least my mother would have been alive! If I had been offering Esha prayers, and my mother would call me: Mohammad (SAW) ! I would have left my prayers midway to respond to my mother’s call “. This is what our religious obligations towards our parents are. We owe a great debt to these altruistic angels for their unprecedented love, affection and care for us.
But, alas! We have begun to ill-treat our parents. We have begun to imitate aliens and strangers who neither believe in the retributive powers of God nor hold human values in sanctity. Money and materialism has devoid our hearts of emotions, feelings and thoughtfulness. We are driven by selfish traits and myopic vision.
Establishing old-age homes in our valley is an ugly blot on our so-called educational and social renaissance. We should not brag and boast about the creation of these detention centres, rather it is highly pitiable and condemnable to see our growing intolerance towards our parents.
We should mourn and introspect our ways of living. We have become so cruel, callous and insensitive that we have proudly produced the modern cages to incarcerate our old parents who deserve our love, care and affection. Olden people crave to spend time with their children and grandchildren. Our children groom well in the company of their grandparents.
But, alas! We deprive them of the cherished upbringing. Our children learn prized lessons of life in the company of their grandparents. The onus is all of us to say no to old-age homes, and let our parents stay with us for the rest of their lives. Our children will treat us the way we will treat our parents. Let’s save our own old-age from the wrath of old-age homes!
(The author is a Teacher and Columnist)
