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Mother’s love and devotion

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Mohammad Hussain Khan
She was a great nurse who soothed me when I was strained. There was a difference of tweedledum and tweedledee between her and me. Will she again come to turn over a new leaf in my life? Gone are the days when we were like two confluent rivers of the same origin and composition. Now these two rivers have changed their direction. But they will meet again as the origin as same.
Well, the things that we have shared, things we have felt are all way too strong for me to forget. They are way too strong for me that I can move on from. There used to be days when I could not sleep if I had not spoken to you long enough. Let me breakdown what you mean to me. I was a broken, quivering mess.
You put me back together piece by piece. You lifted me high when I felt down. You shaped the way I thought, the way I felt and the way I spoke to people. You breathed life into me. You broke down my walls and then helped me to build new, more beautiful ones.
Nothing can make me feel any less grateful for having such an affectionate mother. When you are no more, the worst part about this, to me, is that I do not even know how to talk to you anymore. I want to talk to you, but I do not even know where to begin. In just 12 years, I went from being in separable to complete stranger.
So many things have happened since your departure. I wish that I could share with you. Thank you for teaching me that people come into our lives for a reason and though they may not always stay. But the lesson learnt from them is a blessing, anyway.
And although, my heart will break a little and memories will hit me like a train, I will be grateful for your meticulous care and unconditional love. It is true that some people just aren’t meant to be in our lives forever. It is like some people just come through our lives to bring a lesson we need to learn.
We are still connected on a level that no one could ever understand. I remember when we would stay awake all night long and talk until the sun came up. You were the source of my life and the reason for my existence. You always mean the world to me. We were all dependent on you for our needs, whether it was to tie our ponytails or to serve us food. You have celebrated mother hood with pride.
Your ‘giving away’ nature was noteworthy. You were a great philosopher who answered many questions of mine. Death spares no one. The king and the beggar, the rich and the poor, the princes and the paupers, the good and the bad- all are entrapped by its wide range. It is, indeed, a great leveler that makes no distinction or discrimination. Truly speaking, the only reality that man knows about life is that he is to die one day.
How, where, when and even under what circumstances, is none of his business. But the work of great mothers like you will always be honoured by grace and gratitude. Your ideals and vision still continue guiding me on the right path of life. Certainly, what is lost cannot be blotted and strongly enough death is the universal lot.
It sounds horrible that I sit alone squeezing my eyes shut tight and imagining of sitting aside you. But no dreams come. It is very much disgusting The most important thing I learned about grief is that it is not linear and it is not logical. What is my problem? Why could not I just let it go and chalk it up to quirkiness? Let you come in my dreams. In fact the experience of pursuing you in dreams is more enlightening and more rewarding for me. I sleep but not having dreams and thereby conversation with you. I sincerely apologise to rebuild the relation with your noble soul.
“yeh bi aik chahat ka sangeen jurum hai yaro,
Naind aati hai, ghar khawab nahi aatay”
(The author is a regular contributor to Kashmir Vision)


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