Domestic violence: Who is the real victim?
Rayees Ahmad Kumar
Whenever the word Domestic Violence is heard or spoken by any person, without thinking anything different, violence against the female folk especially the violence against married women at the hands of her husband and in-laws is understood by the listeners. Innumerable unfortunate incidents have happened in the past and are still happening in every nook and corner of globe, in which women have been burnt, beaten and killed due to one or the other reasons.
Sometimes women face violence due to dowry reasons, sometimes being unable to bear any child or giving birth to girl child only. Besides these basic major reasons there have been many instances in which daughter in-law was either beaten or killed at her in-laws (by her husband, or other family members) for some unknown reasons. It can’t be denied that women have been facing and even face violence at their in-laws home.
But if we perceive the situations through an unbiased eye and make a factual research of the victims of domestic violence, it can be found that it is actually the male partner who is the victim and faces hardest challenges in their lives. Domestic violence Acts have been formulated by the legislatures of almost all nations which are functional in every country thereby restricting the violence against women. Male counterparts before initiating any harsh steps against their spouses whenever an ugly situation encompasses in the relationship, Domestic violence Acts restrict them from moving a step forward.
But are such laws existing anywhere in order to ensure the safety and protection of the male partners ? When a daughter in-law is brought home, from the day first the male partner is looked upon through the suspicious eye by his own siblings, parents etc. If he brings some needful item for his parents, his wife feels displeased. Similarly when he tries to fulfill his duty towards his spouse, parents feel alienated.
None of the parties understand the problems and challenges of the male partner. Instead of taking the steps for mutual understanding and realizing the importance of pleasant and peaceful environment at home, both the parties put unnecessary pressure on the male partner. Due to this most often male partners fall in mental trauma and sometimes become the victims of depression.
Whenever daughter in-law faces adjustment problems in her in-laws home or her in-laws ill-treat her, it is the male partner who faces the music because he leaves no stone unturned to create a congenial environment but most often his efforts prove unsuccessful.
Parents and the siblings of husband instead of regarding the newcomer their own family member considers her like a maid servant. They expect every work in the home to be done only by her and to be ready at every one’s call. The consequences of all the ill-treatment met by the daughter in law at the hands of her in-laws are faced by none other than the husband himself. Because she always narrates her sad story of sufferings and miseries to her husband only.
Whenever the relations between the daughter in-law and her in-laws get strained, it is the male partner who becomes the victim because both his spouse and in-laws demand the restoration of normalcy in the home from him only.
In reality he is helpless both before his wife as well as his siblings and parents. He though being eldest among the siblings, wise enough and considered among the intellectuals outside his home can’t even give an advice to his younger siblings with regard to maintenance of peaceful and congenial environment at home. Because after his marriage it seems he loses all his power and inheritance rights. No one listens to him in the family and instead he is held responsible for all the chaos.
Many a times a husband is compelled to divorce his spouse with the result his whole family is devastated. Sometimes parents feel discomfort with her daughter in-law, instead of seeking an ever lasting solution to the burning issue of the family, they force their son to divorce his spouse without taking into consideration its repercussions.
In all these circumstances male partners are the losers. Whenever the female partner lodges a complaint before the court, it is the husband who has to manage it single handedly and reply to every question raised during court hearings. So protection and empowerment of women is a right thing, but it should never be at the cost of male partner’s liberty.
(The author is a columnist and teaches at Govt Secondary School Anderwan Ganderbal. He is a regular contributor to Kashmir Vision)
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