KV Network

Satiating ones taste buds

Decrease Font Size Increase Font Size Text Size Print This Page

N J Ravi Chander
Everyone must have got a taste of dining experiences that have gone horribly wrong. Though I am non-vegetarian, certain meats are strictly off-limits. But once, after wolfing down a plate of biryani at a restaurant, I discovered they had served me the wrong food. Contrary to the ‘mutton biryani’ advertised at the entrance, there was beef on the table – I realised this only a little later. The erring restaurant brushed aside my feeble protests, and the other diners remained mere spectators, content in watching the tamasha!
I have lost count of the number of times that a dish arrived with less or excess salt, pepper or chilly powder, or sans any seasoning at all. My protests would draw a frown from the ladies in the house. “Pass the salt, please” would be the common refrain under such circumstances. The below incident, however, takes the cake!
There is an amusing anecdote of my mother-in-law garnishing the curry with generous doses of chilly powder during one of those rare moments of ‘brain fade’. The ‘guinea pig’ used to test the success of the curry was none other than my infant brother-in-law, who after being fed rice mixed with the ‘viper curry’ began wailing and rolling on the floor in sheer agony.
The infant’s desperate waving to coerce his mother from thrusting food into his mouth also went in vain. By the time the mother-in-law discovered her folly, the infant was gasping for breath. The concerned family members got into damage control mode, forcing glasses of water and spoonfuls of sugar into the infant’s mouth to douse the fire. This episode draws chuckles from the audience whenever recounted.
Some years back, I won a gift from a leading newspaper for an original anecdote that I had submitted. The prize was a lavish buffet dinner at a star hotel for a family of four. No sooner did we tuck into the food when all hell broke loose. Having set his sights firmly on the array of goodies on offer, my little son, Sunny JR, went bonkers grabbing at them and creating a stir. Failing to rein in the ‘infant terrible’ and cutting a sorry figure, we exited the restaurant in a hurry, leaving our unfinished meal behind.
I have always got the art of eating crabs and lobsters wrong. These nutritious crustaceans are on top of my list of favourite things to eat, but more often than not, I end of making a complete mess or soiling my attire. On one of my hotel adventures, I had placed an order for lobster meat. The dish arrived with pliers, knives and fork. After unsuccessfully grappling with the tools, I ended up eating with my bare hands.
Once, while serving in a rural centre, I was invited to attend an ooru habba (village festival). The overwhelming hospitality shown by the village folks was something that I have seldom seen. I ended up stuffed with meat, food and liquor. The binge eating resulted in an upset tummy, and the resultant hangover lasted two days.
As someone remarked, “The best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”. But sometimes things can get a little bizarre!
(The author is a retired banker who has taken up writing as a pastime. He writes for the Deccan Herald, The New Indian Express, The Tribune, The Hitavada, The City Tab, The Hans India and Kashmir Vision)


KV Network

Kashmir Vision cover all daily updates for the newspaper

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *