Why some families fail?
Syed Tajamul Hussain
Too much exhausted and frustrated after watching the spike in positive cases and higher mortality rate due to pandemic, a man in a family with his doleful eyes yearned for freedom from the dangerous trap of Covid-19.
His thoughts too beg for a dream in which he will sail within the river of tranquillity and harmony. He finds his family a room where he presumes that his strains cease to grow. Each member of the family shares barbaric life of pandemic and produces abject faces, which galvanize others to console and work for restoring festive mood in the speaker.
Sometimes it works wonders and sometimes it culminates into futile exercise. All the hopes to escape from forlorn and weird conditions of life along with imbibing a solace environment rest on the shoulders of family. Now just think on what will then happen to those unlucky Homosapiens who breathes under the roof of failed families. Presence of failed families is not rare to locate but most frequent at length and breadth of so-called revolutionised and technological nation.
It is the failed family where one can see very fragile togetherness and an embroil conditions derails the fragrance of home environment. Such broken walls aggravate the climate of man further who was already burning in the fire of economic crises and political instability.
Where could a man go now having pandemic and broken family sandwiched him like a hunted animal trapped in hunter’s net? Who will help him to flip from failed family to positive one? These are the expected and curious questions sprouting out from brains of victims, very prone to ask and seeks for answers.
Solutions cannot be brought from the desks of psychologists, philosophers, doctors or social scientists but are in the working behaviour of individuals. They can either let the fire of misunderstanding and gaps in togetherness to burn the qualities of happy family into ashes or diffuse the same by love and unconditional support.
Before highlighting the ways through which one can restructure the family to stay as positive and cheerful, we need to first have thorough knowledge of what actually family means or represent along which things one should pragmatically do to break the fragility and an atmosphere of violence in the family.
Framing a definition of family with self cooked philosophies and experiences cannot be drafted due to the features of being too much complex and diverse, restricts one to feel a cakewalk while defining a family. Regardless of how you choose to define your family unit, whether it is traditional or unique, your definition is of the family unit that works for you. As the saying goes, “Family is what you make it. We all are the reflection of our family”.
Family is not about who is in your family or whom you consider family as much as it is about how your family functions. A family is just like a human body that needs to take up certain nutrients for performing normal functions. Here the nutrients that our family are bound to have are not those nutrients which we have learned from the pages of science books but are the nutrients in the form of positive communication, love, mutual understanding, unconditional support and care that has provided a stamina in the family to prosper as happy family.
Fancy homes, huge wealth, luxurious cars and fat incomes cannot provide any sort of strength and help to build family that can withstand and fight against the storm of pessimistic, criticisms, crises and blunders. A family is bound to serve as the first school to the child to learn science of life.
It is the unique beauty of positive and happy family to provide child a sense of security and safe environment to flourish in. Heat of the love and togetherness in a family can melt the hardest of rocks of hate, violence, gaps of misunderstanding and fragility.
As Friedrich Nietzsche states,” In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that close together and the music that brings harmony.” To the point of irony, many families do not think about their family values until crises arise that forces them to feel nostalgic of their wrongdoings. Family should be a person’s first source of love, acceptance and support but people do the things that undercut family unity.
Although researchers, policy makers and media had provided considerable attention and work on how some families are failing, but breakage and cracks are still existent. It needs contribution of every individual not through paperwork but practical move to curb failing of our families.
Dysfunctional families are the dangerous parties that can potentially disfigure social life of society to breathe in tatters. Mother Teresa- has beautifully described the value of a family “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family”. The role of crises with family is ambiguous as crises can either tear families apart or make family’s relationships stronger. Simply speaking, crises can do the things that completely depend on what the shareholders of family did- Do or Die.
To the best of our luck, failed families can never be evergreen failures. They too can change or tend to change into affable families, but it needs our practical outlook to throw away negative perspectives and misunderstanding.
We need to promote the communication that is honest, clear and open. Need to appreciate, support, love and care with each member of our family for a positive development. Playfulness and humour should be the only song sung in families.
Negative words damage the core of the family relationship and create a chasm in the relationship so we should take care of the words that we deliver in our family. Keep the old adage in mind when speaking to your family, “If you do not have something nice to say, do not say anything at all “. We should not give any place for insults, ridicule, bullying, vitriolic, gossip, lies, deception and whining to keep our family safe from being failed. All we have to do to make our family happy and healthy by imbibing a positive environment making living a life in our family. Let we cheer and appreciate every member of our family to live as a happy family.
(The writer is a student hails from Drabgam Pulwama in south Kashmir)