You deserve a break, Mother……
One of the easiest and most efficient ways to show your mom you care is to just come out and show your appreciation
Shafat Ali Dar
On a usual lockdown day, after I was done basking under the glow of my smart phone for more than an hour I decided that I need to sleep now. As I stood up to leave I formally offered a good bye to my mom and asked her if she is fine? Yes, I am absolutely fine she replied in her usual tone.
But deep down I knew that she was not. While I was climbing the stairs she called me from behind and handed me my water bottle. While climbing rest of the steps I could hear her praying for our long life, happiness and good health. Like always, I took it as a usual motherly gesture and slipped under the blanket. That’s what all of us do, always.
Everything our mothers do for us is a regular motherly gesture we hardly appreciate, because we are somehow convinced that taking care of everything and each and every individual in house is their duty. We expect her to cook good food to keep the stomach of the foodie inside us entertained.
We expect her to remember where we tossed our socks last night after we came back from a jog, tired. We expect her to maintain healthy relationship with our friends and friends of our friends without giving a damn about the fact that she too had friends when we were not born.
We expect her to do the homework of the little ones and coordinate with the school mistress because we are too busy with our virtual social life. We expect her to offer us our best dress in closet in the morning neatly ironed and properly washed without giving a thought to the fact as when has she dressed herself in her best dress.
She has absolutely no choice when it comes to dressing. We dictate the dressing sense to her because her favourite dress doesn’t qualify as a dress anymore. While we all are busy exploring options to kill time in self quarantine by adapting new hobbies she is the one who is working like she was working always.
Her job is an assignment which is mostly overlooked in the house. After all the real work according to testosterone charged male members of the family is carried out beyond the walls of house. She is the one at the receiving end of impotent rage when food doesn’t taste good or is burnt because she rushed to open the gate we refused to open as we were very much busy on a call with our distant friend.
She is the one with rough knuckles greasy hands and cracked heels, that’s because she does not actually remember how she looks like because it has been an eternity when she last gazed at her own self in a mirror.
O! Mother you deserve a break, like all of us.
She deserves a break from doing two, three, five and at times ten things at once. She deserves a break from being ambidextrous because circumstance demand from her more than one strong hand is capable of doing.
She deserves a break from being a cook who stirs milk with one hand and sooth the baby with other. She deserve a break from planning every meal and doing laundry and going out there, in Hot summer afternoons to materialise the grocery list which has our favourites on the top and her favourite buried in the core of her soft heart.
She deserves a break from doing everything perfectly and expecting nothing in return. That’s not only her body working round the clock, her mind never stops, and neither does her heart. She feels the cry before we hear the cry, and she is down the flight of stairs before the children in house even realize that they are crying. From first light till the moment she sleeps and even in sleep -her mind is strategically planning and expertly allocating.
What can we do?
She doesn’t expect us to do much. Like hell she does not expect anything at all. But is that fine? She has been nursing us from the day we were single cell. Should we expect her to nurse us for rest of her days? No, not at all. There comes a time when we have to strike balance between the things. We need to understand; as we grow up she too grows old. We need to relieve her of her responsibilities and start doing at least our bit, ourselves.
One of the easiest and most efficient ways to show your mom you care is to just come out and ask her how you can show your appreciation. Too many of us make assumptions about what others need or want, and when the person does not seem appreciative after the act, we can feel hurt and they can feel misunderstood and unseen. Not making the assumption that you already know what she appreciates is the first act of appreciation. Let your mom have a voice.
If you want to look great at your friend’s party and at official meetings, you probably should take no shame in washing your own clothes. After all its sheer hypocrisy to reap laurels of her hard work.
You are a foodie, help yourself. Go out treat yourself with food of your choice and if you can’t do that learn to cook your favourite food and if your routine doesn’t permit even that, learn at least to appreciate what is offered to you on that plate.
Look for non-material ways to help relieve some of your mom’s workload. If she is very busy caring for others, perhaps older family members, it might be nice to offer to take over once in a while so she doesn’t feel like the responsibility is solely on her shoulders.
While we are busy maintaining healthy terms with our friends at school, at work and other places we clearly forget that our mom also deserve this life. She deserve to spend time with her old friends, she deserve to talk about her young days and laugh and cheer. Drop her at her friend’s house once in a week. Let her memory banks rejuvenate.
At the end of the day listen to what she is saying, she doesn’t necessarily want you to offer solutions for her problems, all she wants is you to hear them. That relieves her of the burden of those unspoken words.
Give her a weekly off, May be on weekends, I understand, it’s like expecting too much from a third generation individual but just give it a try. Tell her to remain in bed on Sundays and serve her with best food you can cook. And sit with her sip your coffee together. Talk to her about the adventures of life she has experienced and the struggles she went through. Trust me you can take some best lessons for life from her experiences.
Once in a while take moment to appreciate what she is doing. Well, she will still keep doing it anyway without your appreciation, but your acknowledgement will make her feel good. And in doing so you are actually helping yourself. More than her, the act will make you feel good.
It’s easy to mistake “caring” for your mom with wanting to change and improve her, it’s important to accept your mother for who she is.
Focus on what is right about her instead of what is wrong. When listening to your mom, try to see things from her perspective. Moms have a tough job and are not always equipped to do it well. Make sure your mom knows you care by showing her respect and appreciating her for who she is with all her imperfections.
Last but not least, show your mom how much she means to you. Through improved communication, thoughtful behaviour and by being patient and kind, you can show your love and help strengthen your bond with the woman who raised you.
KV Network
