Responsibility of being a parent in today’s era
Parents are the only guardians of their children who sacrifice their whole life for the betterment of their wards
Faheemul Islam
Allah has bestowed a human being on this earth with the ultimate degree of Respect. And says human beings are superior to everything/every creature on this earth. After the completion of the creativity of a man, Allah made very sacred relationships which are pious and beloved before the Allah and due to these relationships the world is rotating from dawn to dusk, months to years and from years to decades in a colorful way. These relationships are the beauty of this earth as the garden is beautiful because of flowers, and in whole these flowers beautify the whole nature.
Parents are the only guardians of their children who sacrifice their whole life for the betterment of their wards .They work day and night only for the dreams to come true regarding their children. And always the children feel themselves safe from every danger and evil in the arms of their parents and also the parents want to make their children feel happy and safe in every aspect.
The parents fulfill the every demand and needs of their children. They want to give them the best education and want to get them admitted in the good educational institutions to make their wards most successful person in the world. The parents whether they are financially weak want to fulfill the every demand of their wards related to every field .They do so to make their upcoming future (Old age) blessed with a pious and successful person to help them and also help others.
However, children in present time are at the receiving end of their parent’s persistent negligence. They are facing multiple challenges in their lives, which were never faced by their ancestors. Parents of the current generation have great responsibility upon their shoulder to raise the sincere and true inheritors of Islam.
They need to put their upmost efforts to safeguard the children from the tyranny of the world. Their prime duty is to raise them to the best of their ability to be leaders of this Ummah, to teach them how to live as a Muslim in all aspects of their lives-in school, in playground, with parents, siblings, and friends and in all other avenues of life as they grow up.
It is important for a Muslim to understand the significance of parenting, the importance of preparing children for the hereafter, and the obligation of protecting them from the hellfire. Allah (SWT) says, O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are appointed angels, harsh and severe.[Qur’an 66: 6]
When we look at the meanings and implications of this verse, it becomes apparent that this is a dire warning. This constitutes a basic principle of parenting from an Islamic perspective. The Prophet (PBUH) said: «Each of you is a guardian and is responsible for his ward. The ruler is a guardian and the man is a guardian of the members of his household; and the woman is a guardian and is responsible for her husband’s house and his offspring; and so each of you is a guardian and is responsible for his ward.» [Sahih al-Bukhari 5200]
The aforementioned hadith greatly emphasizes the fact that parenting is a crucial and supreme responsibility. Parents must focus on preparing their children for the life to come more immensely than just nurturing and protecting them in this life. Parents will be held accountable for how they carried out this responsibility; how much efforts did we parent exert to fulfill the rights of our children, to make them grow up as responsible and educated members of society? If our children keep going astray and are not on the right path in life, we Muslim parents would be failures. It is vital for a parent to understand the fundamental concepts that children are a test, which hold them accountable on the Day of Judgment. Allah (SWT) says And know that your properties and your children are but a trial and that Allah has with Him agreat reward. (Qur’an 8: 28)
The aforementioned verse stresses the point that the test is to determine how parents will raise their children. Will they observe all Islamic principles while raising their children i.e. being kind, loving and respectful? Will they prepare them for the hereafter and for paradise?
It is unfortunate to see that too many fail in this test. Muslim parents are losing an excellent opportunity for eternal and spiritual rewards by neglecting their children and failing in this test. Nothing is more rewarding and honoring for parents than watching their children grow into an obedient servant of Allah. The obedient children may also provide enduring good deeds to a parent’s record through supplication. The Prophet (PBUH ) said: «When a person dies, no good deeds will be added on his record except for three: continuous charity, beneficial knowledge, and a pious child who supplicates for him.» (Sahih Muslim).
It is imperative for the parents to understand that parenting does not start once the child is born. Islam goes far beyond this by teaching us that first and foremost, our parenting efforts must start with supplications to God and teaches us to pray for pure and righteous offspring, “My Lord, grant me from Yourself a good offspring. Indeed, you are the Hearer of supplication.”[Al Imran 3:38]
And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous”[Al Furqan 25:74]
Once the parent’s supplication is heard and a baby is expected, the duty of mother starts right from here. The expectant mother should recites as much of the Holy Qur’an as is possible during pregnancy. It is, now proved by science that babies can hear from before birth and react with soothe pleasure after birth to recordings of sounds with which they have lived before it.Supplication is particularly important as we are raising our children in a world with values contrary to our own.In order for us to help our children get rid of those bad elements widespread in the society that potentially, pose the profound challenge to them.
Bond with Children: Knowing that fathers are directly involved in character building, it is important to develop strong bond with children. Parents are encouraged to address them in the best manner. The first words that Luqman Hakeem used were “Ya Bunayya: O my Son!” It is, therefore, important for the parents to treat them with love and mercy. Children who received good treatment are expected to love and respect their parents and elders when they grow up.
Alaqr’a Ibn Habis on seeing the Prophet kissing his grandson said, “I have ten children, but I have never kissed any of them.” The Prophet (s) replied, “The one who has no compassion will not be treated mercifully” [Sahih Bukhari and At-Tirmidhi]. Many parents, in present time, are often found complaining about their children’s misbehavior which prompts to punish them on pity offences. Such parents ought to be advised that instead of punishing children, a demonstration of mercy, kindness and gentle reminder coupled with supplication earnestly for their children,would serve the purpose. The supplications of the parents for their children are particularly accepted. Parents need to study the life of Prophet (SAW) as well as the lives of his companions, Sahaba to learn the great parenting tips. Anas narrated: “I served the Prophet (?) for ten years, and he never said to me, “Uf” (a minor harsh word denoting impatience) and never blamed me by saying, “Why did you do so or why didn’t you do so?” [Sahih al-Bukhari 6038]. There is a great parenting tip, parents can learn from the above narration.
Communicating with Children: Frequent communication is the basis of parent child relationship. It goes a long way to strengthen the parent child relationship. Parents should provide children with constant love, support and encouragement. It is also important to understand that parents need to be gentle and be a friend to their children. Winning the confidence of the children should be the prime concern for the parents. They must feel convenient to the extent that they look forward to spending time with us.
Fathers need to spend more time with their children. It is not desirable of being absent from one’s family without a purpose. If the head of the household is busied away from his family, lessens his presence at home, and does not sit with them, he will not be able to teach and guide them.A review on the impact on fatherhood by the “US National Institute of Child Health and Human Development shows that a child with an involved father has better social skills by the time s/he reaches nursery, performs better academically, and is less likely to have behavioral problems in the future. Once again, scientific research attests to the wisdom of Islamic teachings.” (Nurturing Eeman in Children-Dr. Aisha Hamdan)
Providing Good Education and Training: Another important matter, which is one of the rights of children to which attention must be paid, is educating and training them islamically. The acquisition of knowledge is an obligation for both men and women. The knowledge is very essential for the child development especially the knowledge of religion. It is to be emphasized particularly for parents who feel that educating themselves about Islam is not important. It is imperative for the parents to know that their primary duty is to take care of their children, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. Education plays a vital role in all of this with the goal of raising healthy, knowledgeable, and strong Muslims. It is probably even more important for women to be knowledgeable due to their position in the family.
It is in the interest of parents to educate their children and themselves. The level of knowledge the members of Muslim community hold actually determines its status and prosperity. Parents need to constantly strive to nourish their intellectual growth. Acquiring knowledge both Islamic and modern is must. However, priority must be given to learning aspects of the religion. A Muslim child should be striving to learn the Qur’an, the Hadith, and the Seerah almost on daily basis.
Parents need to be very careful while pushing their children beyond their capacity, especially in matters of religion. Not every child is born to be hafiz or scholar. Every one learns at his own pace. Pushing too hard may result in resentment towards parents and Islam. We need to present Islam in a loving manner such that they wittingly practice its teachings. All worldly sciences should always be linked to the original sources of Islam, the Qur’an and the Sunnah. Children must be encouraged to relate all the disciplines they learn to the Quranic principals. It is also important to recognize that knowledge without an end is completely unacceptable. Knowledge is obviously not the primary goal of life. It has no value if it was not connected to eeman, taqwa, sincerity, and belief in the oneness of Allah.
Right training is important for the children that can help them live as responsible Muslim adults fulfilling the rights of Allah and others. It is this training, which is deemed to be the best gift that parents can provide to their children. While educating children, parents need to target the success of both in this life and the hereafter.
It is, therefore, important for the parents not to focus only on acquisition of modern education that can help them towards building the right careers, rather, the attention must be paid importantly to acquisition of Islamic education. Children deprived of proper Islamic teachings are not able to handle the calamities in life successfully. Contrary to this, children with good religious education are able to live a more peaceful life, deal with life’s challenges easily and maturely. Such adults are able to fulfill the rights and obligations of all around them. They grow up a better citizen and become an integral part of the overall Muslim Ummah.
There are also the main responsibilities that the parents have to do for the good character of their wards
Inculcating Eeman, teaching the Rights of other fellow beings, guiding children to choose their role models, developing skills to earn Halal (Legitimate) earnings, character building, creating positive learning environment at Home, supplication, helping Children in choosing righteous friends, inspire a sense of belonging to the Muslim nation and inspire a sense of pride in being a Muslim.
Parenting is the most important responsibility one faces during a lifetime. Parenting in the current era is most challenging. A great deal of efforts, dedication, sincerity, rationality, and will power needed to carry it out. However, to make it easy to do, parents need to be sincere and be reminded every day that they will be called to account for even the slightest discrepancy left in giving their children their dues.
Parenting is all about preparing our children for facing the challenges of life and enlightening them with education in all branches of knowledge so long, they are not contradictory to Islamic principles. Learning different ideologies, faith systems, and other disciplines must be encouraged in order to help our children to grow intellectually, provide leadership to the world, and prove the superiority of Islam over the rest through logic, knowledge and wisdom.Parents must realize that raising children on Islamic principles can be a source of their salvation in the hereafter. According to Prophet’s saying recorded in Sahih Muslim, one of the three deeds which will benefit the man after death, is a pious righteous and God-fearing child who continuously prays to Allah, for the souls of his parents.
This is why it is so important to put efforts in inculcating the love of Islam and the desire to worship in the hearts of children in the right manner.It is direly imperative for the parents to be righteous not only for the sake of themselvesbut also for the sake of their offspring as well. It does established that the blessings of good deeds of parents is extended to offspring and relatives. Allah says in the Quran:
Every person is a pledge for what he has earned. Except those on the right. (Al Mudathir 74:38:39)
Commenting on the above verse, Ibn Kathir, explains: “every person will be tied with his evil deeds. But for those on the right-the believers-the blessing of their good works will benefit their offspring and relatives, as well.” (Tafseer Ibn Kathir)
Today, a renewed resolution is the urgent need of the hour, unwavering courage to combat the ideologies contrary to Islam, to wake up and strive to do what is most critical to do “Positive Parenting”. If we are able to do this, which is certainly possible with our sincere faith and our striving, our children will appreciate the gift that we have given to them, we will feel a sense of accomplishment. Most importantly, the rewards waiting in the hereafter (insha’ Allah) will be even greater.
(The writer is a student pursuing studies at Aligarh Muslim University)
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